Wherever you go, there you are

I was in an airport en route to Chennai for a hectic few days in India to attend two weddings when I found myself next to what I took to be another European, based upon their appearance. I smiled and asked if they spoke English. They did. Why were they flying to Chennai, I asked. They said they were visiting a friend who lives there. What did they do for a living, I nosily enquired. They said they worked in a shop, and had decided to travel “to improve myself”, they said.

We got on the plane and other than smiling at the baggage collection belt when we had arrived at our destination and wishing them a pleasant trip, that was the total of our interaction. But what they said stayed with me. Travelling to improve myself. I thought about this a lot during my own trip.

I had not initially looked forward to my trip to India. It had come during a busy time at work, or at least I was concerned about taking the time off after only recently taking annual leave. It would be expensive, or at least an unplanned expense, and travelling to and from India was going to be such a hassle.

The sole purpose of the trip was to attend two weddings, one of a family friend and another of a member of the extended in-laws. Both were important to the family and therefore that we as members of the family in the UK made the effort to attend. Right up until a few days before the trip I was considering not going, but we went, and everyone was pleased to see us.

As well as some gifts and of course our luggage, I took myself, and by that I mean I took my thoughts, prejudices, and judgements about the trip and what I expected to happen. It reminded me of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book, “Wherever You Go, There You Are.”. We can go anywhere, travel the world even, but our thoughts are our constant travelling companion. We cannot get away from ourselves by getting away from it all.

I did take one extra thing with me this time, something that I had only recently picked up. I was reading some self-help on self-talk and an author had suggested that in order to combat negative self-talk, try saying to oneself “What if it all works out ok?”. I lost count how many times I quietly repeated that mantra during the trip but I feel as though it did work, and it made me more mindful of what was happening. Instead of expecting things to be unsatisfactory in some way, it allowed me to be open to things being neutral or even satisfactory. And more often than not, they were.

Reflecting upon my encounter in the airport and the idea of travelling to improve oneself, I kept coming back to thinking that it’s not the places we visit that changes us, it’s what or how we think about them. And that thinking has the possibility of altering in some subtle way how one thinks more generally, being exposed to new situations, cultures, customs, and well, just getting out of a routine. I’ve felt very much in a routine of late, and so getting out of it was more refreshing than any amount of time at home thinking the same thoughts about the same things.

In the end the trip to India was fine. Enjoyable, even. Visiting the extended family was well worth the effort of undertaking the trip and everyone was pleased. The concerns about missing work were unfounded. I missed nothing. The hassle of international travel wasn’t that bad, and the journey there and back were uneventful. The change of pace of life was actually a kind of boost. So yes, I too feel somewhat improved by being open to this experience.

Iterating towards acceptance

What does it mean to accept one’s situation?

A relationship breaks down. How could this happen to me? How can they do this to me? It’s not fair.

Why did this happen?

Maybe it was me?

Was it the way I behaved?

Did how I behave affect them?

Why did I behave like that? Was it because of what I was feeling or thinking?

I see now that how I behave affects how others think and feel and then how they behave.

I accept that there are consequences to my actions.

But I do it again, and again, and I accept that I do, and I try a bit harder. And it happens less and less.

I understand.

I accept.

I fully accept.

On the need for a communal space for secular Buddhist practice

An issue that’s been on my mind for some time is a question that Alain de Botton in his book ‘Religion for Atheists‘ also asks ‘Could it be possible to reclaim a sense of community without having to base it on religious foundations?‘.

Is one of the consequences of stripping away – rejecting even – the religious aspects of Buddhism as we attempt to devise a secular approach, a diminution of the sense of Buddhist community? How many of us used to practicing in one of the established traditions of Buddhism have gathered in temples, viharas and monasteries up and down the country and come together by participating in ritual and ceremony, and felt part of something? A secular approach does not – should not indeed – automatically reject all of that because of a fundamental scepticism of some of the metaphysical underpinnings. However rejecting these religious aspects of Buddhist practice puts one at odds with the proprietors of temples and the like, so that secularists tend to find themselves lacking a meeting place and necessarily also without leadership. Again de Botton suggests ‘the benefit of taking people into a distinct venue which ought itself to be attractive enough to evoke enthusiasm for the notion of a group.‘, one that should ‘inspire visitors to suspend their customary frightened egoism in favour of a joyful immersion in a collective spirit‘.

This seems to me one of the biggest challenges to forming secular Buddhist communities. Online communities can only take us so far, and indeed these too are proving difficult to create. The Gaia House retreat centre is a curious example of a central point of contact, for so often when any of us are there we are in a period of voluntarily enforced silence. On a recent retreat there I was struck by a comment from one fellow retreatant who at the end when silence was broken said that unbeknownst to him a friend was also staying at Gaia House at the same time on a different retreat, but that he couldn’t speak to him, and he left before they had chance to catch up. But here again, Gaia House is important for many because of the ritual and sense of shared purpose that’s difficult to recreate in a community centre in the middle of a city.

So what can we do about this? It’s going to take a little time to work it out. There are no leaders to follow, or that wish to lead, and many different opinions on what secular Buddhism is, what is in scope, and what is out. But that’s ok, at least while the movement, if secular Buddhism can be called a movement, is defining itself. But if in a year or two we are having the same conversations, then perhaps secular Buddhism isn’t really a thing at all. Instead we are either Buddhists, and identify with one of the many traditions that best speaks to our mind and our heart, or we are plain and simply atheists trying to live ethically in a framework of self improvement that borrows from the teachings of Master Gotama, the Buddha, or Buddhaghosa, or countless Buddhists throughout the centuries.

As for me, tonight it’s our fledgeling sitting group, so I’m off to a complementary health centre in the middle of Birmingham, to sit and meditate with 3 or 4 others amongst the physiotherapy tables and to chat about what’s to be done.

Living simply on retreat

One of the benefits of attending a retreat is the simplicity. Your life is pretty much run for you, with a daily schedule including a work period, set meal times, and often silence. The enforced period of quiet, free from the usual distractions of phone, email, television, newspapers, and the Internet allows for a period of contemplation that’s difficult to achieve otherwise.

The daily schedule on the recent secular Buddhist study retreat led by Stephen and Martine Batchelor at Gaia House was no different.

06:15 Wake
06:45 Sitting meditation
07:30 Breakfast
08:15 Work period
09:15 Clean up & rest
09:30 Sitting meditation
10:00 Teacher’s talk
11:00 Walking meditation
11:45 Sitting meditation
12:30 Lunch
14:30 Sitting meditation
15:15 Walking meditation
16:00 Sitting meditation
16:45 Teacher’s Q&A
17:30 Supper
19:30 Teacher’s talk
20:15 Walking meditation
20:45 Sitting meditation
21:15 Rest and bed

As this was a study retreat retreatants were allowed to use the library, something not usually encouraged during group retreats at Gaia House. I spent quite a bit of my spare time in the library reading various books and texts, and at night waiting for the hedgehogs, but more about that another time.

First reflections of a secular Buddhist retreat

It is now a week since I returned from a secular Buddhist study retreat at Gaia House. After spending 7 days in silence and returning home around 7pm Sunday evening, I was back in the office at 9am on Monday morning. A day or two off work to readjust would have been nice, but in retrospect getting straight back to normal life was probably a good thing. This retreat was about cultivating an approach to life based on the principles and values in the Buddha’s teachings, and a fresh interpretation of how these apply to these current times. It was not about shutting one’s self off from the world or withdrawing from normal life, whatever that is.

The Buddha’s teachings as we read them today in the Pali Canon are not of course a verbatim record of what he actually said 2,600 years ago, but instead based upon written accounts first set down centuries after the historical Buddha’s death by authors largely unknown. They are full of simile and metaphor and relate to a time long since past. However they can still be interpreted and understood in today’s context after study, discussion and reflection. The purpose of this weblog is to share some of my own reflections on these teachings and how, in discussion with others, an understanding of the Buddha’s key teaching can be applied to life today.